How do we Honor the Challenge of Compassion?
Originally Published April 6, 2023.
One of my favorite authors/thinkers of all time is Henri Nouwen. If you ever were a nursing student of mine, you were subjected to his thoughts infused into every other sentence. Even though he was a priest and often aimed his work towards ministers, I feel he understands and speaks to us as healthcare workers as he spent much of his life living with those with intellectual disabilities and their caregivers in the L'Arche Community.
I am currently reading (again) The Way of the Heart by him and I am reminded of one of my favorite sentiments and guiding values for my nursing vocation:
"Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires us to have the inner disposition to go withothers to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure. As busy, active, relevant healthcare workers (my words), we want to earn our bread by making a real contribution. This means first and foremost doing something to show that our presence makes a difference. And so we ignore our greatest gift, which is our ability to enter into solidarity with those who suffer."
He goes on to posit that solitude is the place where we can grow this compassionate solidarity and we can realize the suffering of those we care for exists in ourselves as well-- our heart of stone has space to turn to heart of flesh (again). I don't know about you, but that was one of my more disturbing transformations (and I suppose, necessary due to systemic constraints) was to become hardened and unrecognizable to myself. I don't think this is something I will figure out or heal quickly back to the naïve, optimistic new nurse, but it is a journey I am committed to in the decades ahead as I care for others.
As I spend time dreaming and planning for our upcoming retreat, I think about the space and community I wish I had along the way in my early years. I yearned for time to express gratitude for the colleagues who helped me on my hardest days, to grieve the patients I had lost, to share the details I had learned about their lives since I had no place to put the loss I felt in their passing. I dreamt of opportunities to truly get to know the people I worked with, to hear their stories, to understand what brought them into healthcare and share why I was there. Ultimately, I wanted a space to recognize my own humanity alongside the humanity of the people I worked with and the patients I served. Unfortunately, there never seemed to be enough time.
The beauty of creating our own spaces is that we can dedicate time for what we want and need. In honoring Nouwen’s words on what it takes to be compassionate, we hope our upcoming retreat is a day filled with opportunities to be in solidarity with each other and to reclaim the parts of ourselves that can often feel lost along the way. For me, this looks like poetry, art, music, and time in nature. I know for others, this can take many other forms. If you are able to join us at our retreat, we would love to co-create this space with you. We know what an immense challenge and privilege it can be to take time away to reconnect with ourselves. To show compassion each day is hard! For those for whom a day away is not possible right now, we hope you find moments of rest and solitude, however it looks for you, to honor the commitments we make each day to show compassion to ourselves and each other.
How do you create spaces of rest and solitude in your lives? We’d love to hear from you.
With gratitude,
Laura & Anu
PC: AG- Palm Springs, CA